I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost? – Ann Perkins The only things I like are dogs, sleeping late, and weird birthmarks. If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me. I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe that luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. I’m not lonely, I have me! – Chris Traeger If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.
#Parks and rec quotes about life free
Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. – Ben Wyattĭress code: Black tie optional. There’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die. Lawrence Fein two-inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade. My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half- eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans. No home is complete without a proper toolbox. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So, you talked to Tammy? What’s it like to stare into the eye of Satan’s butthole? – Ron Swanson When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry and you go clubbin’. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food. When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is. How do I explain her? She’s as respected as Mother Teresa, she’s as powerful as Stalin, and she’s as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher. I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.
My Mom’s name is Tamara…she goes by Tammy. I am not ashamed to say I am often inspired by myself. I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you.
– Ron SwansonĪny dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone. What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy. The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast foods. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. If I had a stripper name, it would have to be Equality. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex- wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ – April Ludgate There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.
I’m not interested in caring about people. Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at the moon.
Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up. Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts.We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles and work.I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.Time is money Money is power Power is pizza Pizza is knowledge.Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot, and I broke everything.Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.Which is water that is lying about being milk. There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.
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